||[Jun. 17th, 2005|05:51 am]
It just gets harder and harder, feeling what I feel, knowing what I know, and wondering all the while...things. Good and evil. Cole's father was apparently a really amazing, good man, and yet he fell in love with a demon. How is it so strange that I would, too? I mean, in my case, Cole wasn't all evil, even...was he? Is he?
I feel bad for not really being all there to help or be totally mentally present with what was going on with Piper. I don't want her and Prue to feel over-burdened by me dealing with my own stuff right now, and I feel so guilty for all of it, everything. Lies, preoccupation...I don't feel like I'm me right now, like something's got a hold on me that just won't let go.
It's not a good feeling. It's love, but it's not good, happy, positive love.
It's more addictive than that.